My Quiet Observation
SELF
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    Another four letter word. One that, for many, including myself, is overwhelming. Placed in a confined space of room and time with the purpose of confrontation of the foreboding question, who am I?  And the quick to follow – How did I get here? Was it all about me?  And, of course – Perhaps I should change.
   The quiet observation of my inner workings resembles being served a scrumptious seven layer dip and trying to separate each layer to distinguish what it consists of only to find, without the others, it is lacking in taste. I find it easier to focus on another’s personality traits than delve into the fragility of my own. I know how I got to where I am today, but when studying someone else, I haven’t a clue what emotional roller coaster they’ve ridden or the paths they’ve taken therefore I’m spared the pain and anguish and the study is only superficial.

   This is the day I woke with self in my head. The blog, Quiet Observation, was where it led me, but I realize now it was only a ruse by the spiritual guides, who attempt to steer me, to put me on the path of self awareness this Sunday morning.

   You see, I am a runner. Not in the physical sense, but in dealing with myself in the stillness, alone, with only my thoughts and emotions laid before my mind’s eye, reflecting a life story – one of the past, the present and a window to the future.

   There are choices in life we make. We find ourselves at the fork in the road where we must choose left or right, or in a case such as mine, to barrel forward, for a more adventurous journey. None can say my life has been dull. However, this time, I have found myself leaning towards standing still, frozen at the fork, with uncertainty choking what was an unending youthful spirit. A feeling I find totally and completely unacceptable. Piracy of spirit cannot happen in my silence.

    Nestled in my chocolate brown chaise lounge one choice is made – turn left.

   There have been times I have turned back. I picked up old baggage and with it old pain. But, recently the owner of some of that baggage encouraged me to move forward, a piercing sound vibrating through my heart, yet one best heard early on rather than later after more damage was done and, thankfully, the need to brush hog straight down the middle is no longer there. I have grown beyond foolish independent statements to channel my energy more constructively.

   It is time to tune into my spirit. The depth of my being and the energy I’ve given away too many times in hopes others would find the soulful salvation within themselves which, realistically, was only an excuse and evasive measure to avoid the massive power inside me.

   To admit I am a strong woman, rich in spirit and containing a wealth of knowledge also means I am accountable for my actions, my choices and my failures. It is the final cut of my youthful abandon.

    This is the first day of ME. I will begin my next chapter, journey and adventure into the life of me.

   The me I know as of now is spiritually rich, beginning each day with a hope I can brighten a stranger’s day with a smile, a kind word, a gesture and a moment of respect in a disrespectful world.
Let it be the first day of YOU.

   SMILE
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